It's been a few days

I haven't written since Sunday but it's been a little busy.  My sister, brother in law and sweet nephew moved to Virginia and I have been a little slack but tomorrow is a new day and I'm gonna do both my workouts.  I have had great success and I'm gonna keep trucking because my Dad and I are racing to 200.  Loser has to buy dinner at our favorite restaurant.  I'm pretty sure that I will win but, guys lose weight a little differently so I know he could catch up sooner.  I have 9 pounds and he has a few more than that so if I'm good and lose 2 a week like i'm supposed to I should be under 200 in 5 weeks or less.   I can't wait!

I did have a little set back today.  My jeans are loose so I went to the store to try on the smaller size and they didn't fit.  This is a little frustrating bc I've lost 15 the next size should fit but it doesn't.  The reasoning I made for this was that I was wearing my jeans too tight before and now they are fitting just right.  I'm not sure if that is right but it helps me not lose motivation.  I have a picture of the bathing suit I want for this summer and it is not available in my current size.  I've already got the money for it but I'm not going to buy it until it fits.  That's my plan for all my new clothes.  I'm not buying it unless it fits. I'm just gonna have to wear my 18 jeans until they wont stay up.  I'm not shopping for any clothes until I can fit into my new work pants.

So today was a little setback that came with more motivation and more drive.  I'm gonna win this contest and I'm gonna enjoy the victory :)

Jumped the gun

ok I was a little excited to weigh in so I did a day early and i'm down to 209!!!!! Yay I'm loving my secret weapon and I'm gaining a lot of confidence.  Even at work I can see better confidence in myself and my abilities. I am feeling so confident that after this week I may ask for the promotion I've been wanting.  I really hope that people can see a difference and see a new me coming.  9 more pounds to my first big goal!!!  I'm SO excited!!! I can't wait to go shopping for smaller clothes!!!

Can't Wait Til Monday!!!

Well my secret toy is AMAZING and I am already seeing results.  I can't wait to weigh on Monday and see 210 :)  That should be what it says if not lower.  I'm working hard this week and it's been fun to get my new toys.  For the rest of the weekend it's grilled chicken and salad except for tomorrow night so i'm Psyched to get down another pound or two :)  Can't wait til Monday. PS my clothes are fitting better and everyone is commenting on my look :)  YAY!

New Toys :)

So I went out and bought two new toys and I'm SO excited to try them out.  I'm keeping one of them a secret but the other one is a kettle bell. My Dad has one and Kim has stolen it so I hope I love it as much as she does.  Needless to say I'm so exited to  workout tonight!  I'm making a little paste for dinner ans then after a few episodes of Scrubs i'm gonna work it out!  SO excited to be sore tomorrow!  I'm not weighing til Monday but I feel great!

Plans change

Well I was supposed to be off today but work just called.  God knew that I was heading down a path of pity and he is getting me out of it.

Today I was reading the emails that I exchanged with Dylan's mom and I just read the one where she told me that if He would have lived I would have been their daughter.  That though kills me and it is so easy for me to get mad at God for taking that from me.  I still have not met a man as perfect for me as Dylan!  It kills me that right now we could be married and having kids and my present could be so different.  I can't imagine a better way to spend my life than with him but since God took him home. I have to realize that I have someone out there even better than him and that's a hard thing to picture.  Today is a little depressing but I'm gonna go shower and get ready for work and smile at all of my customers so that I can remember how good God is and get out of this depression.

Sunshine is a motivator!

The sunny weather outside reminds me that summer is coming and I want to be able to buy a smaller swimsuit!  I biked today for 30 minutes and then laid out for about thirty.  I got nice n toasty, then took a nice cool shower and got ready for my Leadership meeting. BTW I was reading the material while I was biking and laying out.  I am so excited about this summer that I'm gonna have a huge salad tonight with a side of broccoli and corn.  That leaves me with a few calories to take care of the sweet tea and kids ice cream I enjoyed at lunch and the beverage I will choose to drink tonight.  I will have approximately 1100 calories which is under my 1200 allotment for the day and I worked out!  YAY me!  Also I drank an extra bottle of water bc I got so heated while outside.  Can't wait to mow the grass tomorrow and get some sun!

Fear

I was on Bob Harper's website and he was talking about fear and how it can kill your weight loss.  When I thought of the things i'm scared of I thought of one thing.  If I lose this weight I won't know what to do with myself.  I have always been overweight and I've always been OK with it.  The smallest I can remember weighing was 165 the summer that I had cancer.  and that was after they took a 5 pound tumor out.  I am so oddly comfortable at this weight that I am scared I won't like being so small.  But then I hear myself say that and think of how stupid that sounds.  My Ex told me the same thing and all I said it that's crazy well that's what i'm telling myself now.  THATS CRAZY!!!!  I've got to get it together and move on because 12 pounds is NOT enough.  I've got about 80 to lose from here so Let's go and get this weight off so I can live the life I've never had before!

Things change

There comes a time in your life when you step back and realize that everything has changed.  The people may be the same.  but your relationship with them has changed your high school friends have become their own person.  They have grown into their own skin.  Then there is you.  You are still trying to figure out who you are and to figure out what you want in life.  You look around at what your friends have and it looks so good but nothing you try works.  You try the "right" way and that doesn't work.  Then you try the other options and you are still on a dead end road.  When do I get my big break?  When is it my time to shine? When does my life start?

Weight loss

So I think I'm going to record my weight on Monday morning.  I think it would be a great motivator.  I weigh twice a week but I only write it down once.  I weighed this morning and I'm down to 214 which is my first small step of 10 pounds :)  I posted on my Facebook the GREAT news and 23 people liked my status and several commented on it with encouraging messages.  It's great to know people are watching me and rooting for me.  I am working hard and enjoying every single calorie I eat :)  I miss Dr. P a little but if I portion it out I can have a little every now and then.  I am thinking about working on my novel some more.  I really enjoy it and it's a great release for me.  I'll write again sometime.

A new year and new goals!

SO I haven't posted in over 6 months but I'm excited to share that I've already started some new goals and it's so motivating to see the results.

I started the year at 224.  I'm not proud of that weight and I'm working hard to fix it.  I am now 216 and every pound gets me closer to "one"-derland! :)  Here's what I'm doing:

I am now limiting my daily calorie intake to 1000.  I've been doing really well and enjoying wonderful healthy small meals :)  I am also doing a workout DVD for 24 minutes a day. I am working out almost every night and I've already lost 8 pounds!  I can see the results in my face and how my jeans fit but my "skinny" jeans don't fit yet.  I'm hoping they will by spring break!  I can zip them up but they just aren't very flattering.  Hopefully the next 8 pounds will fix that! :)  

Well that's all for this check-in. I'll write again eventually!