I can lose everything... ... ... except weight

I noticed while I was journaling that I am very bad at keeping a journal. I'll lose it for a while and then forget to write in it until I find it.  I'll lose somethign until I need it... Ill lose my self in the clutter of doing something just to do it.  Ill lose my self in the goals of now and forget about the long term goals so right now all of my followers are going to help me start a food journal.  I'm going to write down everything I eat every day and hopefully I'll begin to see why I can't lose the weight and see how to help it...  I know I need evercise but I food journal is the beginning...  so here goes 30 days of journaling what I eat.
If you are subscribed to my emails n don't want a daily one from me you may want to change your subscription settings.  I hope you all will join me in keeping this journey.  Help me finally lose something I want to :) Thank you!

Time MARCHes on :)

As I sit here with the blank screen, I remember years ago.  I was sitting in a hospital room singing with my friends and I knew then that it was only of God that this was possible.  I had WAY too many people in the room and we were WAY too loud and God made it possible so that we could minister to others on the floor.  That time was seven years ago.  God had healed me of stage four Ovarian cancer!  What an AMAZING God!!!  Then I think about May of 2008.  God was able to bring two great men home to be with him.  One suddenly and the other was taken from his suffering.  My uncle was one of the greatest men I've ever known.  He always praised His Lord.  He was always ready to sing another verse of a hymn to encourage and He was ready to smack you in the face if you were being stupid.  He was my father's best friend and his encourager.  My dad hasn't found another person to be in that position.  He is still missing a little part of that.  Dylan was my best friend and my encourager.  He would "Punch me in da face" if I wasn't making any sense.  He radiated the love of Christ just like my uncle. I am hoping to one day be fully in control of my grief but I don't know how far away that is.

Sunny day but Cloudy feelings

As I drove down Wade Hampton the sun was shining warming up my car.  I got warm enough I even turned off my heater.  It was warmer than any day we had this week!  I was loving the sun but my emotions were storming inside. I'm not really sure what started it but I was in a state of blah.  I had a really fun day yesterday and as far as I can tell it wasn't Dylan.  I just can't seem to get excited about doing anything or going anywhere...  I'm gonna try to enjoy the day and we'll see how it goes.  I'll write again later! 

Bye

One of those rough days

Today I am missing him so much I am not sure what to do with myself.  I know all the things that console me and help me deal with his loss but today it's like the pain is coming at a new angle and opening a fresh cut.  I loved him dearly and even with his pictures put away to remind me of him I still am hit with a hole in my heart.  Most days it's healing but today is a whole new ballgame.  I have to find a new way to deal with this kind of pain.  A new way to deal with this emptiness.  I was reading earlier to take my mind off Dylan and it worked I read intently for about 4 hours and was successfull at forgetting and now all the memories are back and they hurt.  I wish he was here to go to the new movie coming out tomorrow and to CFA to eat with me or to go shopping.   It all hurts...  and wiht this I'll leave you with an old poem that fits how I feel right now...

Last Words

As I write by candlelight,
And draw my final breath,
I wish to say goodbye to all
Don’t cry over my death.


I’ve wished for this for many days,
And planned to make it fast,
Living life with out him here,
Just seems to fly right past.


I know it is a selfish thing,
To end it all so quick.
But I can’t continue like this,
My life is just a trick.


So go on with your lives
Remember me now and then
But don’t cry for me here,
For I’m with him again!

Class Writing haha

With the tears on my face
I remember the day
He left me here
with just a memory.

He's now with the Lord
praising His name
and I'm still here
wishing he was too.

September brought sadness
my young cousin's death
now he too is praising
and I'm here just waiting.

Some days I am happy
I remember with smiles
but the other days hurt
as I go through the trials.


I'll see them again
I cling to that hope
without it I fear
I'd have no way to cope.

Homegoing

These words I now write, I write them in sorrow.
For one faithful brother there will be no tomorrow.

He's done with his suffering, now he can rejoice.
He stands with his Savior and lifts up his voice.

His journey was long and the pathway well worn
But now in his passing he has been reborn.

Those left behing with their eyes full of tears,
Know they'll see him again when the Savior appears.

One brother in Christ went home to his Savior on January 30th.  He has had many years of service and even in his trials he still praised the Lord and still sought after him.  Please pray for the George family as they mourn the loss of a father and husband.

This loss as well as any other that comes brings me back to that day that I found out Dylan had passed away.  I hear of someone losing their family member or spouse and I instantly feel the pain I felt as I read all the goodbyes on his wall.  I cried as I tried to understand it.  My heart didn't want to admit it but he was gone.  He left this world a trooper for his Lord and he served his time here on Earth.  As much as I wish he could come back to me I know he is in a much better place and in much better circumstances. 

One good thing I have found in Dylan's passing is my ability to comfort others.  I know what they are going through to some degree when they are suffering a loss.  I am able to give them advice on how I handled it and what not to do.  I can also encourage them that if that person knew God as their Lord and Savior that they would see them again.  Death isn't the final goodbye, it's just see you later. 

It's really late and I need to get in bed.  Good Night, Readers!

Miracles happen all the time ;-)

With just a few simple words a day that wouldn't have mattered is suddenly important.  With the response in her email she comforts me on the fact that moving on is o.k.  She knows I won't forget him or our memories together and she stills loves me and cares for me.  I have been blessed with an amazing group of people that care about me.  I was in the car with a former client of mine driving her, because she is on crutches, to a job.  In the hour that we were in the car she was asking me how I was doing with my parents divorce and asking me to explain my cryptic facebook statuses.  She showed true empathy in everything that I was saying even if I wasn't making any sense.  I am blessed to have good friends and just plain good people in my corner.  Thank you Lord, for all of those people!

21 but it feels like 12...

I'm finally 21 the age that most people dream of and guess what?  It's not that different. Sure, I may be able to legally consume an alcoholic beverage and I am considered a legal responsible adult but I still feel like I'm in Junior high.  I have some of the same friends and we do a lot of the same things. We can drive ourselves now but it still seems pointless when you have to check in and out when you leave and tell your parents who is here or who left and what you are doing.  Maybe when I move out i'll feel adultish...Who knows but until then I'll be writing about my journey to that place.  Only God knows where that will take us.

Beth